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5 DS Games You Definitely Can't Bring To School

Oct. 2 4:52 PM by The Pig

Portable games and movies are awesome. With great gizmos like the iPhone and PSP, you can play and watch anything that can fit in your pocket. With that in mind, it was obvious that some crazy Japanese developers probably couldn't wait to get some softcore almost-porn into a few DS games -- it's pure genius! Why not use the DS stylus to touch young nubile girls? If it's a video game, it's totally not illegal... right?

5. Doki Doki Majo Shinpan 2 Duo

If you're importing this game, then we don't recommended letting anyone see you play it! Witch hunting is a perfectly fine way to pass the time, but try explaining to your friends A) Why the witches are all underage Japanese girls and B) How poking them in the hoo-hoo reveals their witchery. Be cautious -- witches or not, every one of these characters will squeal loudly when you poke them, which sounds pretty suspicious on a crowded bus.

4. Duel Love

We have no idea why Japanese rating group CERO called this a "15-and-up" game. In Duel Love, you play a cheerleader who's infatuated with skinny Japanese schoolboys who are part of some fight club. After they're done with their bishonen slap-flights, you're then expected to use the DS pen to wipe the sweat off their little boy bodies. Please join me in saying: W-E-I-R-R-R-D.

3. To Love-Ru: Exciting Outdoor School Version

Okay, this one we actually have some background info on. So in the anime show To Love-Ru, this high school kid named Rito is trying to tell this blue-haired girl he's loved her for years (what a sissy). Then, a runaway alien princess named Lala suddenly crash-lands on Earth. Specifically, she lands in Rito's bedroom. Nude. In the game, you'll have to keep her wacky ass in line, not to mention using your DS pen to stroke some school-girl-alien booty. Did we mention the mini-game where you shoot girls in the face with your milk? Yep, it's just like the anime!

2. Izuna 2: The Unemployed Ninja Returns

It doesn't matter that the titular character is a badass ninja -- she's a pink haired Japanese girl with huge teats. Don't be fooled by the spotless campaign and huge sales numbers -- those guys at Atlus U.S.A. know what they're really selling. Why else would the developers give such steamy, clevage-bursting posters away as pre-order bonuses?

1. Doki Doki Majo Shinpan

We're pretty sure that the first Doki Doki Majo Shinpan game is what started it all. In its Japanese launch, Doki Doki Majo Shinpan outsold powerhouses like Odin Sphere, Final Fantasy, and Zelda's Phantom Hourglass... people were shocked. Forget inventive puzzles, years of solid franchise titles, and amazing production values. The only thing Japanese DS owners wanted that year was to fondle some underage skin.

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