Sure, most video games have boss characters that make us go through the nightmarish task of putting them in their place -- but no gaming army is complete without their sacrificial lambs. Bowser has the Koopas, shinobi clans have their ninjas, and Dr. Wily has his robots. They all suffer 100 percent losses in every single fight, but they're still around after all these years... just to make our lives and levels that much harder.
15. The Koopas (Mario Bros.)
The most pitiful thing about the Koopas is that they're part of an army with little to no chance of promotions. Sure, if they survive long enough to get weapons, an industrious Koopa can move up in rank to Hammer Brother, Latiku, or (at the very worst) the undead Dry Bones brand of Koopa. But at the end of the day, you're essentially doomed to wander back and forth across the same levels until you're butt-stomped, kicked, or set on fire by a Mario brother.
14. Zerglings (StarCraft)
The common Zergling has some key things that most small minions don't: sharp teeth, dangerous claws, and millions of siblings. If you've played StarCraft for at least a few hours, you've undoubtedly killed at least *that* many of them, too. Really, how little value does a minion crew have when you can waste bundles of them in a rundown and still call it a strategy?
13. Head Crabs (Half-Life)
You know that a creature's been shortchanged on nature's totem pole when their major means of attack involves humping faces.
12. Street Gangs (River City Ransom, Final Fight, Double Dragon)
In the 1980s to 1990s, street gangs in video games were as tough as cookie dough. Aside from the fact that it took about 20 guys from the Mad Gear gang to pummel one renegade cop, several of them would go down from one jump kick. Gang minions are often nowhere near as fearsome as ninjas, and they're infinitely weaker than any of their respective bosses.
11. FBI Agents (Alien Hominid)
Imagine the years of FBI training that suddenly went for naught as that little yellow bugger gruesomely sliced, blasted, and diced his way through all those unfortunate agents. Ick.
10. Shinra Employees (FFVII)
In a company filled with CEOs that had awesome materia, the common Shinra guard was always doomed to failure. No pension plan or health care is going to be much consolation when a Japanese kid with a phallic sword comes into work and wrecks the place. I bet the pay wasn't too great, either.
9. The Kremling Krew (Donkey Kong Country)
It must be very embarrassing for the Kremling Krew that their king is a fat oaf with a banana fetish.
8. Los Iluminados (Resident Evil 4)
As frustrating as it must have been for the Los Iluminados that their leaders were corrupt and evil, being exposed to the Las Plagas sure as heck didn't so anything to shore up their numbers. If I recall correctly, the cultists didn't even have so much as a rec room in that big ass castle. With the added indignity at being exterminated by a single American on a rampage, their all-powerful cult looked pretty inept by the game's end.
7. Grunts (Halo)
Grunts are one of the smallest minions on this list, as well as being most ineffectual. The Covenant is filled with dozens upon dozens of these critters, but what purpose do they actually serve in a fight? Everything from their tiny stature to their shrill little voices seems to suggest that the Grunts are the kind of ally that an Elite would kick into an open hallway.
6. Pig Cops (Duke Nukem 3-D)
It was the in-joke that made you want to kill these guys with unrestrained glee. The Pig Cops were like shotgun-wielding demons, and they always came in groups. Die, piggy, die!
5. Splicers (Bioshock)
The Splicers aren't helpless in the least, but they earned a spot on this list due to the horrible ways you can kill them. Roast 'em, freeze 'em, electrocute them, and the list goes on. There aren't very many games that require you to maim and disfigure your enemies, and the once-normal citizens of Rapture definitely got the short end of the stick in this game.
4. The Robot Masters (Mega Man)
I can only imagine how lonely it must have been for Dr. Wily's Robot Masters. They spend a whole level confined to a single room, only to have Mega Man bust in, kill them, and steal their data. Of course, a guy's who smart enough to construct whole armies of robots somehow can't figure out that he could put *two* Robot Masters in a final room -- no, that would be TOO obvious.
3. Castle Guards (The Legend of Zelda)
In the epic adventure of A Link To The Past and Four Swords, there would be no enemy you fought more than those pesky possessed castle guards. Of course, getting out of Hyrule Castle did nothing to get them off your case. These guys, some of the most persistent enemies in gaming history, would chase poor Link though swamps, dungeons, fields, mountains, forest, and Christ only knows what else.
2. Team Rocket (Pokemon)
What does it say about your organization when the best Pokemon they can outfit you with are Rattata, Zubat, and Sandshrew? The poor grunts of Team Rocket were so prideful, they sadly didn't realize that the head honchos were keeping all the good Pokemon to themselves. Even worse, pretty much every other series villain group since has stolen Team Rocket's gimmick, making them more generic and lame as time goes by.
1. Ninjas (Any Video Game Ever)
Unlike in real life, ninja clans in any video game are comprised of poorly trained, one-hit-kill soldiers that wear garishly colored uniforms. The ninja was once a feared warrior in fiction, but in games like Naruto, Ninja Gaiden, and Shinobi, they're more like a clown act. Well, unless the ninja in question is the main character -- in that case, he (or she) is an unmitigated badass.
Comments
Well really, they all do deserve to die...
But Koopas and Grunts take the cake.
Speaking of cake...you forgot to mention the Portal Turrets!!!!
No Goombas? Aren't they a bit more unfortunate than Koopas? Anyway, its a good list.
What about the undead legionaire from God of War? Not only are they the easiest guys in the game, but you can pick them up over your head and rip them in half with out even dealing any prior damage to them. Same thing about the Goombas. Good list other than that and what I might think up later.
niiice!
Haha, this list needs some of those generic baddies from RPG's, like slimes or skeleton soldiers.
Wait, what about zombies? Don't they have it bad too? They're slow as hell, have almost no fighting ability and everyone knows their vulnerability. At least ninjas have slick ninja moves to protect them.
I registered to say that I think the hunters in Manhunt deserve at least an honorable mention, almost all of them get brutally murdered one way or another.
lol the zergling one is true. but i also think that wolves (in any rpg) deserve to be mentiond
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