13 BADASS Spore Creatures that Aren't Penises

Sep. 2 11:49 AM by The Pig

I don't know about you jokers, but the whole penis craze in Spore got old pretty damn quick. Then I started looking at Spore's various 'boobie creature' videos and came across even better stuff! If you want to see some wicked-as-shit Spore Creatures, look no further than this list of the top 13 BADASS creatures that aren't just huge meat-hoses attached to testicle sacks!

13: Big Daddy (Bioshock)

Aw, he's so happy! See, the Big Daddys were just misunderstood killing machines. Put them in Spore, give 'em some sunshine, and presto -- happy murdering menace!

12: Viking Ship

It makes you wonder -- do viking ships have a poop deck?

11: Predator

Ew. It's almost as ugly as the real Predator. Well done!

10: Severed Zombie Hands

This is just creepy. Severed hands? Who's the whackjob that came up with this one (and does he take requests)?

9. Solid Snake (Metal Gear)

Even in Spore, I bet that Solid Snake doesn't have a penis. Ha ha! Dangly parts.

8: The Thing (John Carpenter's The Thing)

AHHHHHHHHH! Kill it kill it kill it kill it kill it!

7: R2-D2 (Star Wars)

Hmm. Not bad, but where's C-3PO? (That's a challenge!)

6: Happy Crucified Jesus

I'm not touching this one with a ten-foot pole. Nuh-uh.

5: Breasts

Now if only we could put some stripper tassels on those babies!

4: Mountain Bike

DAMN. That's dedication. With all that effort, I wouldn't be surprised to see a Harley on YouTube pretty soon.

3: Bowser

Wow. That's as close to King Koopa as I think anyone could get. Maybe we'll see some Koopa Kids in the future.

2: Wii Remote and Nunchuk

Okay, in this instance, the Wii Remote actually looks kinda like a giant penis.

1: Leonardo (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)

And so begins the creation of dozens of other weird animal creatures. Soon enough, we'll see Earthworm Jim, the Starfox gang, and more -- if we're lucky. When someone builds a Technodrome, I'll respect them forever.