Welcome back to the stage of history with ForumLife, the pedestal for GamePro's best forum topics! If there's an obscure discussion getting buried, a heated debate burning into the night, or if someone's got an unhealthy obsession with professional strong-woman Robin Coleman (rowr!), we'll be damn sure to shine a spotlight on that thread. In ForumLife, it's all about you!
"Damn You Hollywood! TERMINATOR 4 is PG-13!"
On May 5th, son_of_Jack led the enraged cry over the rumored rating of Terminator 4 -- not the fact that it exists, but that it's rated PG-13. Oh well. At least this means we won't see Arnold Schwartz... Schwartzennemhiemr's (close enough) increasingly flabby ass ten minutes into the movie. Right?
[Hey! Click here to read the original thread!]
"...If we can make a compelling film to reach the widest audience, why wouldn't we do it?"
And then there's this one:
A family-friendly rating opens many doors, including a "Terminator Salvation" licensing deal for action figures with Playmates Toys.
This just confirms what I've said all along-- Hollywood has sold the soul of good movies just to make a little more money.
It's true, the classics just aren't getting the rated-R treatment that they so rightly deserve. Why censor great film characters like John McClane? Just so some parent can take their 10-year-old to the movies instead of a kennel?
Joining the call to rage, other posts had more to add...
Video Games That Suck Ass: Part II of IX
PUZZLE GAME EDITION
Believe it or not, even a puzzle game can raise the bile of the most tolerant gamer. The SlobsofGaming have put the pieces together in Part II of Video Games That Suck Ass, with everything from Bomberman bastardization to Tetris torment. Read on, read on!
#6: Pac-Man (Atari)
If Pac-Man is an artist's pixelated representation of Hell -- endlessly running from immortal creatures trying to kill you -- then the Atari version is the Hindi version of Hell, complete with foreign-objects-put-in-places-they-shouldn't-go torture, gouging of the eyes, and being dipped in hot oil.
It also doesn't help that in the Atari port, there's not enough power to fully animate the sprites, so the ghosts are just teleporting everywhere. Looking closely at it, I'm pretty sure that the ghosts are just skipping through entire sections of the maze to get at you. Cheap.
Recently, Midway surprised many with its announcement that the first next-gen installment of its treasured Mortal Kombat franchise would now include new fighters from an unrelated universe: DC comic books. On the surface, this move appears very random and unnatural. Fortunately, the SlobsofGaming have the remarkable ability to find silver linings in almost any pile of shit. And this strange stew proved to be a catalyst for other potential gaming match-ups that, if not worse than MK vs. DC, are just as bad. So ready yourself, reader, for ten fighting games we'd rather play before Mortal Kombat vs. DC...
Veggie Tales vs. Def Jam
Good nutrition takes on bad attitudes!
While Christians often claim to take the moral high ground, there have been a number of historically documented occasions where, when pushed too far, they have turned to violence. And it's no exception when the Christians in question take on the form of legumes. This title would have those deadly Christian vegetables doing battle with some of the most hardened gangster rappers this side of Compton. Uncle Murder will attempt to cap Bob the Tomato, Ghostface Killah will try to shank Larry the Cucumber, and the Young Gunz will make an effort to bury (or rebury?) Junior Asparagus. However, if you think it will be easy for Def Jam to turn these adorable vegetables into salads, then you've clearly forgotten what side God will most likely take.
It's like pouring salt in the wound, then rubbing it raw with hot gravel and cleaning alcohol. Bad form, Capcom!
Just in case you didn't hear about it, cult-favorite Okami got a second lease on life with the Wii, and the people rejoiced. But a roll of the ending credits showed a dark side to this tale: the original staff from Clover Studios got cut out.
Okami fans (and gamers in general): what's wrong with this picture?
Yeesh, it's almost like Simba killing his own father.
Okay, since no one's guessed the game yet, we're throwing in another prize for the contest -- just to sweeten the pot. Name the game this screenshot is from, and you also win a copy of Namco Museum Battle Collection for the PSP. Need a hint? Check that screenshot one more time...
Are you bigger nerds than we are?
Since we're all busy playing video games today, this week's prize is the awesome... um... uh... Ghost Rider! We love this game so much, we've just gotta share it with a lucky winner! (No, seriously!) Just remember, you can only win once!
This "journey" was just one PC game in a multi-part "legacy"...
Grab a bucket of popcorn, have a seat, and let's roll the film!
25. T2: The Arcade Game
"Come with me if you want to live."
There were plenty of games that spawned from the cinematic awesomeness of Terminator 2: Judgment Day, but the arcade version blew them all away. Once you put your quarter in the machine and took hold of the T2 gun, all Hell broke loose. Dropping you right in the middle of the post-Judgment Day war, hundreds of T-101s and Skynet machines stormed the screen, eager to terminate you. It was pure chaos. Without a pocketful of quarters, you'd survive for mere minutes, but it was still a fun ride.
Can't wait for Grand Theft Auto IV? Satiate your cravings with the first episode of the GamePro Show, which is all about the GTA sandbox experience. The editors are talkin' up a storm about Rockstar's looming monster -- and it sounds like a beast of a game...
Hit the jump and watch!
Exclusive videos and more await behind this door...
Sure, buy GTA IV for your kids! With any luck, you can get a lawsuit into the news to show what a retarded parent you are.
(This one's for all you special moms and dads out there. You know who you are!)
One day, there's going to be a world where video games like Grand Theft Auto, Metal Gear, and God of War are sold in dark, grimy, underground black markets -- right next to bootleg DVDs, illegal (non-American) soft drinks, and homebrewed Wii-Station-360s.
Why?
Because groups like the "Campaign for a Commercial-Free Childhood" equate video games with hardcore fist-in-anal-cavity pornography. Grand Theft Auto IV has gotten so much bad press, it's almost cliche. Hell, if it's getting such a bad rap, kids under 18 are going to want it even more! You fools! You've played right into Rockstar's hands!
It's your American duty as a negligent parent.
FIGHTING GAME EDITION
Sure, there are plenty of games that we love for being bad. For some ungodly reason, human beings willfully subject themselves to crap like Superman 64, anything with Bratz in the title, and video games based on movies. But there are some games that are so vile, so completely horrid and foul, they reek of pure ass the minute you take the plastic off the box.
The SlobsOfGaming are doing a service for all mankind and lining up games that should never have seen the light of day. We're not talking about popular games that suck, but the stuff that nightmares are made of. Join us as we delve into madness with the best of the worst fighting games, complete with a crude, yet handy scale to show just how much ass they suck.
(Minimal assery gets the "Kirsten Dunst" rating. The biggest pieces of ass are slapped with a "Jennifer Lopez" award.)
#9: Fight For Life
(Jaguar 64)
Possibly the only fighting game in the world with worse "moon physics" than Virtua Fighter, Fight For Life's plot features martial artists trying to win a tournament so they can escape from Hell. In a strange twist of irony, simply playing the game is akin to being in Hell itself. Incidentally, this was the Jaguar's last game, a final stake in the heart of the cursed system.
Although only a few episodes in, GamePro's Re:Dub show is just too fucking hilarious to miss. So far they've voiced over intros to Halo 3, Stranglehold, Uncharted, and now in this most recent version Mass Effect gets the treatment. Watch the latest episode below. It won't disappoint.
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